hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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