I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
