I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
