I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
