summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
