does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
