This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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