Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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