we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
