So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
