i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
