Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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