I am puke
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
