Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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