U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
