I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
