so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
