no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Too much gin, very little bucket
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
