It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
