Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
