you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
