The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
