I hate all girls vehemently.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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