I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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