Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
