I'd wear matching sweaters with you
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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