Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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