your thong is hanging out like whoa
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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