After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
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just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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