omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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