that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
