i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
