I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
