she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
