i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize