I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
