You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
