My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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