Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
