just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
