The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
