I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
