he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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