haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize