There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
