I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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