You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I need to sanitize my soul.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
