i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
