well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
