I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
