Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
