You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
