He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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