My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
