He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
