...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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