Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
