so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
