Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude