i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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