my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
How drunk are you??
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound