TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
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I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
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constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.