ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
