I pooped in a mop bucket.
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere