covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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