i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag