I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter