this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos