Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
