do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
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I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
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And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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