This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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