you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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