are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My ass is underappreciated
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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