and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
